What do you think about when it gets quiet?
You know that rare moment when you’re alone, the kids are sleep, you’ve got the house to yourself and all you can hear are your own thoughts.
When I have those moments sometimes I question myself. I know I’m not the only one. But I question the decisions I’ve made, the consequences of my actions and most intimately I question me.
How in the world did I end up here (wherever that is)? What is my life supposed to be? Am I living fully as the person I want to be? Or the deepest most lingering question that comes to my mind: who am I?
Am I just the kids mom? Am I just someone’s daughter or sister? Am I all the amazing things I beef up my resume with? Am I really the person I portray myself to be? Am I the representative or is there a real me? Am I just the sum total of all the things I have ever done?
Who am I really?
Then right about there, where the questions get too deep and my instability and insecurities begin to peek through from behind my sleek, put-together exterior, I stop. I stop digging, I stop thinking because obviously my overthinking ways have got me in my feelings once again.
That is until the next time. When I’m alone and my thoughts are stirred again.
Have you ever pondered this question? I mean really think about it. I know, I know you probably have a great list of things you can answer this question with. I usually do too because most of the time if anyone is asking me about myself I feel the need to present.
Present my best self. Present my accomplishments. Present my accolades and my strengths; you know the highlight reel.
Why do we do this? Why do we have such a hard time looking ourselves in the mirror? Acknowledging both the good and the bad? Your identity is something that forms the foundation of who you are, but when you don’t really understand who you are we feel pressured to present our picture perfect representative.
Friend, how do you know when you’re presenting your representative and not being your authentic self?
I’d love to hear your thoughts in the comments.